Feb 20 Afternoon

She fell when she was 14.
And now she’s fallen.
Behind her smiles are razor-sharp teeth. Capable of cutting, of hurting, of incapacitating. Who she is she doesn’t know anymore. And they keep asking. Beneath her laughters are muffled sobs. Hushed to escape their curious stares. Nobody knows the truth. No not one soul. Except hers.

0 couldn't resist blurting something out
Got naked on Thursday, February 26, 2009
5:21 AM

Feb 20 Morning

And then they met,
But not with ease.
They’re darting flames,
Yes, such a tease.

So now they talk,
But not that much.
Still keeping things,
It’s all on hunch.

And so they listen,
As the other talks.
Picking the pieces,
But careful like hawks.

Their interests piqued,
They look for more.
Learning something new,
T’was never a bore.

But the question still rings.
Where is the wolf?
The knight?
The angel?

The memories,
The touch still burning.
The light fades
As the world started swirling.


I doze off when I'm not supposed to.
I throw up when I least expect.
I wake up when my eyes should be shut tight.
I become full without feeling the effect.

I talk at times when I shouldn't.
I listen when I wasn't invited.
I try to ignore something I couldn't.
I show indifference to keep things uncomplicated.

I stop laughing just when I have to start.
I go sobbing when no one would hear.
I start yelling to the content of my heart.
I act brave when all I feel is fear.

I walk.
I talk.
I spill.
Right here.

0 couldn't resist blurting something out
Got naked on Friday, February 20, 2009
12:41 AM

ban from the bond

Someone got me thinking tonight. He's right.
In a way I'm like a lion.
But only because I need walls or iron bars to keep myself from hurting those around me. I need to be caged. And I have to be caged to avoid messing things up.

0 couldn't resist blurting something out
Got naked on Thursday, February 19, 2009
9:11 PM

January 9

Sometimes I envy smokers. Or the drinkers (not the heavily tanked up ones though). Not because they look cool to some people or because I simply want to jump on their bandwagon. I don’t need another bad habit either. Nope, I don’t want to have a smoker’s scent nor do I want to catch a hang over or something.

What I’m envious of though is the fact that they have something to turn to when they feel stressed or jittery. It’s like some rely on these stuff to handle their bundle of nerves. I mean, who wouldn’t want that? It’s like they can find comfort already in something so accessible, something so within reach, especially if you have a Ministop or 7eleven nearby. I’ve heard many people say it calms them down. Maybe just for a while but at least it did free you from stress for a bit.

Me? I suck at handling stress. Being the worry wart that I am, I’m almost always caught in a surge of panic when something goes wrong. Worse yet, people can see it right away. A stick of pat on the back, a puff of encouraging words, and a jigger of laughter sometimes help a lot though. And sometimes, those just lessen my stress. But sometimes, I could do nothing but wish they’re enough to make things work.

January 5

The past few days, the sky changed its color to white as evenly-spread clouds cover the usually blue one. Clouds cover the sky in a way that you won’t bother thinking there’s the blue beneath it. And at cloudy times like this, when you won’t even notice that the sun had already risen, the best thing to do is to lie in bed and enjoy the comfort of your warm blanket.

But as much as I’d love to do just that, that’s not what I did. Instead, I woke up at past 4 am, willing myself to get my behind out of my bed. It’s January 5 and I’m forced to work again after the two-week Christmas break. It’s not that I don’t like my work. I’m very thankful for it, in fact. It’s just that if it’s my choice, I won’t work. Lazy bum, aren’t I?

I’d travel instead. With my family, boyfriend, friends, or just by myself. There’s just more to life than this computer-clad office with tons of paper work and write-ups to do. I sound whiny now, don’t I? Okay, I like my boss, our secretary, and the people that I work with. It’s just that most of the time, I’m in front of this ever so slow pc not knowing exactly what to do whereas if I’m traveling, I’d get to do and learn so many things that my work can’t teach me. I’d get the chance to meet more people and see more of the world outside this ‘academician-filled’ university. I’d get to meet more missionaries, celebrities, or just those people who pretend they’re ordinary but do extraordinary stuff.

For now though, I have no choice but to work hard and beyond what most people expect of me and hopefully, save enough from my salary (which also means changing my lifestyle :D). I just can’t wait for that time that I don’t have to work for anybody anymore I just can’t wait for that time that I’d get to do what I totally, extremely, and absolutely love.